The Journey Continues

Hey Fathers

It’s been a while,and I won’t apologize for that,because that’s life,as I know it in the real world. I have been working 12 hr days for the last 2 weeks and will continue to do so,until we are caught up on orders.

As you know I have been waiting for my income tax assessments,so I can file my motion in court to change my existing child support agreement. Well I just found out my sister in-laws computer crashed and my income tax files were on her computer etc. So now I have to wait till her computer is fixed and then she will file the rest of of my income tax returns.

Well no one said this journey would be an easy one,and it seems there is road block at every turn lately. I also just worked shut down because I couldn’t afford not too,the rent and bills have to be paid. I sacrificed my holidays with my kids,and this has caused major depression for me. But I had no Joice in the matter,it was work or don’t eat or pay the bills etc.

When the FRO has you by the short and curly’s life can suck at times. However,with that said I have to keep a positive frame of mind and move forward on this journey. Sometimes you just want to throw in the towel,but I can’t do that and stand by and watch other fathers’ lives get destroyed because of unjust laws and government bureaucracy.

In the mean time I will be patient and wait for my sister in law to finish my taxes etc. Then I will finally be able file my papers in court and get these procedure’s under way.

Hey that’s life,as I know it in the real world.

Thanks for listening today…………………..Brian

P.S GOOD NEWS; I have a home phone now,and can a least talk to my kids on a weekly basis. My daughter is leaving tomorrow for a trip to Cape Breton Island with her mother,and my youngest son is moving back to Guelph to finish his last year at the University of Guelph.

Tuesday Morning Coffee & Ramblings/The FRO/Deadbeat Dads/Legal Aid

Hey Fathers

Fair warning guys,this is a long post(I need to vent) ; )

Are you on the FRO’S most wanted list,for not paying your child support. I was researching all the new amendments,that give the FRO more power when it comes to collecting,and enforcing child support orders/payments etc.

I don’t know, is it me or has common sense(Brain Matter) evaporated amongst the elite?,who decide on these amendments.

Thus,leaving empty space between their ears.

Sunday Morning Coffee & Ramblings/Advice/Links’

Hey Fathers

To summarize this week, I absolutely hated it lol. I had to work shutdown,when I should have been on holidays with my kids etc. But due to financial constraints I had to work,so I can pay my rent etc this month. I had to work day shift all week,so needles to say I didn’t get anything done and I’m still waiting for my income tax assessments,so I can file my court papers to change my child support order.

AWSOME FATHERS PROTEST

BEACH: Bizarre protest at Layton’s constituency office

I seen this on the news,and I literally started dancing around.This made my day, I also read that these gentlemen were charged etc. If you want to support these two fine gentlemen, go to the the link for fathers4justice on this blog and join.

membershipapplicationf4jcanada

fathers-4-justicecanadapetition

f4jmembership

I’m going to join myself,and support other fathers,who share in this battle to reform these laws.

CONGRATS TO THESE GUYS,YOU HAVE MY SUPPORT 100%,THATS THE WAY TO KEEP THE GOOD FIGHT GOING.

Motions/Variances/Child Support

Hey Fathers

Today’s,discussion is about motions/variances to change an existing child support order. I will admit,filing a notice of motion,is a lot more complicated than it should be,and it can be a bit confusing considering all the bureaucracy, you have to go through to achieve it.

On one hand,you have the clerk’s office saying you need to use forms 14/14A/14C/6B/13/ and a copy of the table of contents for the continuing record. On the other hand the FRO, says I have to use forms 15/15A, and for once I agree with THE FRO.

Saturday Morning Coffee & Ramblings

Hey Fathers

Due to technical problems, I was unable to post on Thursday or Friday. The good news is I have fixed the problem and I hope it doesn’t happen again anytime soon.

Well another month has passed, and I have not been able to file my notice of motion. The hold up is as usual,I’m still waiting for my income tax assessments to arrive in the snail mail.

Wednesday Morning Coffee & Ramblings

Well it’s a rainy day,and I was woke up earlier that expected by loud music coming from the music store downstairs. I’ve been working 11 hr shifts this week and don’t get home till 3 am in the morning.

SEPARATION AGREEMENTS.

A word of caution for fathers when you write your own separation agreement. If you are doing this on amicable basis between you and your spouse with out going through the court system or using legal advice. Be very careful on how your separation agreement is worded.

Word to the wise (GET LEGAL ADVICE FREE OR PAID)

Because if your spouse decides to file with the court,and it will happen. How you word your agreement could come back to haunt you in the end.

Filing A Notice of Motion

Hey Fathers

Here is a link to a Pdf that instructs you on filing motions in court fc_part5

If you double click it will download automatically or right click and choose save target or link as depending on which browser you use. The link works and it’s is virus free.

Read it carefully and follow instructions and you should do fine and seek out legal advice free or paid before you file your motion to make sure you have all proper documents to file with your motion and to make sure you filled them out properly and most important to make sure you follow court procedure,or your motion could be rejected.

Monday Morning Coffee & Ramblings

Hey Fathers

A month ago,I moved to an apartment uptown. I took this apartment because it was cheap,and doable considering the garnish of 50% on my wages by the FRO. I will be honest it’s not in the nicest area,known for drugs and drug addicts etc.

However; my landlord went to great extent renovating the apartment,and she is a great landlord. So I will stay here and see how things go for now. I found out today, that a tenant in another unit down the hall committed suicide a couple weeks ago, he was 47 yrs old,I met him a couple times in my travels to and from the apartment building.

It’s unsettling to know someone ended their life just down the hallway. Well thats enough about that subject I find it depressing.

Ok fathers I’m going to ramble about something else,and you need to listen.

If you are a father who is just beginning the separation or divorce process. This is highly emotional time and the decisions you make are critical in protecting your rights and your children’s rights.

• Take a step back from the situation and don’t let your emotions get the better of you.
• Seek legal advice paid or legal aid immediately to advise you in your course of action (don’t procrastinate)
• Don’t leave your home,and your children until you seek legal advice.Because if you leave the home,you are essentially abandoning your responsibilities as a father,by leaving your children in the care and control of their mother,and she will seek sole custody in court and win on these grounds alone.
• Don’t think of what is best for you,talk to your children and consider their needs and wants before your own.
• Work out a separation agreement without going to court,that is a amicable for both parties and the children.
• Keep calm,cool and collective in all situations,because being a hothead will work against you.
• Learn about the laws that affect you concerning divorce,separation,child support,spousal support and know what your rights as a father are so you have the confidence and knowledge when your in court.
• Most important stay connected with your children and don’t degrade your spouse in front of them or make them choose sides.
• Use the links I have provided on this blog,there is a lot of great free information you can use to educate yourself and protect your rights as a father.

Thanks for listening today………………..Brian

Lets keep the good fight going

A Fathers Tears

Today I met an old friend,well actually he is family, being he is my sister in-laws brother. I was deeply saddened to see the shape this man was in today.

Up until a yr ago, he was a single dad going through the same bullshit as me and other fathers. He was a father to a beautiful young girl,who was and still is his life.

One year ago he lost his little princess,she was 17 and died of cancer. I can’t even begin to imagine how this loss has affected my friend. I know when I seen him today,he looked a lot older than his 47 yrs and you could see the sadness in his eye’s.

He visits her grave on a regular basis,and told me he slept there one day a couple weeks ago,laying by her side for 7 hrs.

I’m at a loss for words and I feel so sad for my friend.It’s because of stories like this, that we as fathers need to step up and fight these laws,that discriminate against our rights fathers and limit our abilities as fathers to the children we so cherish and love.

I sincerely hope every mother out there who reads this will think seriously before she denies access to the father of her children,because this could be there story to and it could happen in a split second and it could be a car accident etc etc.

Thanks for listening…………..Brian

Sunday Morning Coffee & Ramblings

Well it’s Sunday morning,and I’m enjoying my morning cup of java. I have made the decision to use Forms 15 and 15A for filing my motion,to get my child support agreement changed. I went through all my forms yesterday and read them,and analyzed my situation.

Bottom line is I have to go through the court system to get a variance on my child support agreement,so instead of filing a motion with forms 14 and 14A,where I have to serve papers to my ex and the FRO.

I,m going file a notice of motion using forms 15 and 15A.This way I only have to serve papers to the Family Responsibility Office through the court.Also once the papers are served the FRO has to respond to the motion ordered by the court.

I ‘m in the process of filling out all required forms,documents etc that get filed with my notice of motion.

1. Form 13 Financial Statement
2. From 6B Affidavit of service
3. Copy of table of contents for the continuing record.
4. Income tax assessments for the last three yrs.

As far as I know that is all that has to be done to get prepared for court. I am waiting for my income tax assessments to come in the mail,so until I receive them everything else will be on hold.

However,that’s not a bad thing it gives me time to prepare for court etc. I,m going to call legal aid tomorrow or better yet go to there office,being it’s only 3 minutes away from my apartment next to the courthouse.

Well I’m on my second cup of java,and I’m getting jacked up and ready to continue this fight for my rights as a father.

Well that’s it for today Fathers’ and remember together; we can win this fight to regain our rights as FATHERS.

Please check out the links I have put up, the information and resources are there to help you.

Thanks for listening today.

Need Advice and A Mentor (HELP)

Hey Fathers

I’m not having much luck getting too see duty counsel at the courthouse. Whether this is because there is a shortage of duty counsel in my area or not I do not know. I went to the court house again on Friday, and all duty counsel were to busy to help me.

Maybe my only recourse is to file my motion etc at the courthouse in Barrie. Where my ex-wife filed all her papers etc. I have heard that the courthouse in Barrie isn’t quite as bad when it comes to discrimination against men.

As you know from previous post I have been told to use Forms 14 and 14A  for notice of motion by the clerk’s office. But I have also been advised by the (FRO) to use Forms 15 and 15A  for my notice of motion to change my child support agreement.

I need advice and I’m asking if you as a father, if you have been through this and know what I need to do to get this notice of motion filed with court. Please advise me on your experience and knowledge of this matter,it will be appreciated.

As a father and like so many other fathers out there I am in a situation where my hands are tied financially due to a court ordered garnish of my wages @ 50%. This has made it impossible for me to be able to afford any kind of legal advice.

That’s why I’m seeking advice and a mentor who can advise me on this journey through all the bureaucracy and bullshit of the family court system. Until I find a mentor I will continue my fight and call legal aid and find out why I can’t find any duty counsel at the courthouse,or if I need to make appointment at legal aid etc.

Through my own research I have good perception of what needs to be done etc, However; with that said I am very particular and need to know that I’m following proper court procedures in filing motions etc.

So if there are any fathers out there who can (HELP) me in this fight,I would appreciate more than you will ever know.

Thanks for listening today……………………….Brian

I just finished working a ten hour shift …

I just finished working a ten hour shift,the last one of the week, and it’s 2:48 am in the morning.I’m heading off to bed so I can get up early and be at the court house at 1pm to talk to Duty Counsel about my Motion etc.

Hey Dads

If your stuck in a rut ,because of the bureaucracy etc don’t throw in the towel.I know from experience  that it just prolongs everything and makes it that much worse in the end.

My goal in writing this blog is to help fathers,by sharing my own experience going through the process of our court system etc. The advice I share is first hand advice I’ve researched and learned from some great resources I have found on the net,and advice I will getting from duty counsel etc.

As a father I know exactly what other fathers are going through just to regain their rights, and I want and need your comments and advice as fathers sharing in this same experience. This way we can share collectively and join forces and help each other fight the good fight.

Every case is different and the advice on this blog might not suit your needs. However with that said if we share as fathers our experiences and advice we have gained together we can make this blog a great resource for fathers.

The bottom line is as a father who has lost his rights,and can’t afford any kind of legal advice,I have chosen to do my own research etc and I have chosen to write about my experience on this blog.I’m doing this not only to help other fathers,but also to vent my frustrations with this system of bureaucracy,we have to suffer through on a daily basis just to have the right to make a comfortable living and be able to support and have access to our own children to whom we love and cherish.

So fathers if you have advice that will help or want to share your story,you are more than welcome to on this blog as it is for all fathers.

Thanks for listening today…….and remember lets keep the good fight going.

P:S Next post will be about my meeting with duty counsel on Friday…….Stay tuned

The Bullsh*t has started

Good morning fathers

Well today has been interesting to say the least. I called the Family Responsibility Office and as usual could not get through to client service.All I wanted to do was change my address and get a financial statement of arrears.

Anyway I went to http://www.TheFRO.ca to check it out and read the new amendments concerning child support agreements and getting them changed etc.

Here is my problem,I went to the clerks office and specified to them what I wanted to do,and that was to change my existing child support agreement. I was informed by the clerk I needed to fill out Form 14 Notice of Motion.

Well guess what either the clerk is wrong or the FRO is wrong.Because the FRO advised me if I want to change an existing order I have file Form 15 and 15A through the court along with the other required forms.

The bullsh*t never seems to end and bureaucracy continues. This is a minor set back and I will get to the bottom of it and sort it out. Duty counsel is in court on Friday from 1Pm-4Pm so I will go and get advice as to exactly what forms I need to file with the court etc.

There is a lot more involved in filling out Forms 15 and 15A,but when I look at these forms they are exactly what I need and fit the criteria of my motion to get my child support order changed etc.

Anyway I’m sitting in my corner with the gloves on, and I’m pissed off,that my opponent hit me below the belt in that round,so I’m going to be smart and jab away until I find his weakness and when the opportunity arises I will hit him with that one knock out punch on my way to victory.

Thanks again for listening today Fathers………….Brian

P.S Remember always that no mountain is too high or opponent is to big, if we join together we can defeat them and win the good fight.

Step One – (Goals And How To Achieve Them)

Ok (Fathers)

• Do you know why most fathers (FAIL) in family court.

• It’s because they aren’t properly prepared before hand and they go into family court not knowing clearly what their objective or goal is.

It’s that simple guys,it’s like anything else you do in life.If you don’t prepare yourself and know what your goals are,you most likely will fail in achieving that goal.

With that said guys, In a prior post I told you about my research in finding out what forms I need to file a motion in family court. I then went to the clerks office as mentioned in another post and I got the forms I needed for family court.

When I got home with these forms and I read them trying to understand them etc. I realized that I needed to assess my own situation regarding all legal matters concerning my child support agreement. Let’s face it fathers the courts will look at your history and find any reason to question any motion brought before them in the best interest of custodial parent and the children.

So if you have neglected your responsibilities as a father under your current court ordered agreement. it’s in your best interest to be honest and forthright in explaining to the court as to why you neglected these responsibilities and what measures you have taken to be responsible parent(father).

Why I’m telling you this from one father to all the fathers out there don’t make the same mistakes I did after my marriage failed. I honestly thought it was in the best interest of children that they stay with their mom and I let this happen with out discussing it with the children themselves. I wish now that I went for joint custody,because that would have been in the best interest of the children.

But I didn’t and my ex took me through the wringer of the court system and my life spiraled downhill from that point on.It totally devastated me to lose my children and I couldn’t handle it so like so many other fathers I turned to drinking and drugging to forget about the pain and hide from my problems.

Well guess what fathers,it’s ten yrs later and I’ve been through detox and rehab and recovered from a severe heart attack and at the end of the day,I’m in the same place with the same problem and I’m now taking action in family court to rectify my legal matters once and for all.

I know what your thinking,whats this got to do with goals. My goal is to file a motion to change my current court ordered child support that has been in force for ten yrs. the court(Judge) is going to look at my motion and see that my employer of record on the existing agreement hasn’t been my employer since 2000 and he is going to ask why I have neglected to get this existing order changed.

That is the reason why I and you as fathers have to sit down and assess the circumstances of neglect and  the history of any existing court ordered child support or custody agreement.

Then you can sit down with a plan of action,as to how to fill out your notice of motion Form-14 and 14A Affidavit.Plus the other forms required such as,Form 13 financial statement,Form 6B Affidavit of service and regardless of what you are told by any clerk or duty counsel always make sure to have a cumulative table of contents Form 9B filled out for all court procedures.

To all fathers who read this blog,the information I am providing does not constitute legal advice,the advice I’m giving you is what I have researched and learned concerning my own legal matters.

However,with that said we as fathers are being discriminated against in our courts,whether it’s because of our own ignorance regarding the  laws or not that does not constitute being discriminated against and having our rights as fathers diminished to the point, where we are broken by the very system that is supposed to protect our rights under the human rights act.

To all the fathers out there,who find themselves in a hopeless situation ,just know you are not alone and if we join together and fight the good fight,we can make changes in the future that will establish equal rights with out prejudice into our courts for fathers,and these laws will then be in the best interest of our children.

Thanks for listening today………………..Stayed tuned my next post will be about properly filling out a notice of motion.

Progress Update

I want to update you on my progress to date. As you know from my prior post I have set a plan in motion,and have taken the first steps in my plan. I researched what forms I need to file a motion,to get a variance on my existing child support order. I then went to the clerks office at the court house and ask for these forms,and was not treated with respect in my opinion.

I have read these forms trying to fully understand them and the proper procedure in which to fill them out accurately,as well as correctly so they will be accepted in family court. There is a link to the right on this blog.where you can download all the forms that you will need for family court. When you open the link for these forms you will notice that you can open them in PDF format or word format.I suggest that you open them in word format and read them carefully and then fill the form out in word as accurately as possible.

Once you have fill the forms out you can then save them to a separate (New Folder) named court documents,or what ever you choose. Then you will have easy access to these documents and you can print all the necessary copies you will need for court and copies to send to your spouse or her lawyer.

Anyway this what I have done to date. I also went to fathers-resources tonight and listen to a tele-seminar about mediation for couples getting divorced. I listened to Danny and Heidi discussing different issues regarding mediation and it was very good information all fathers need to learn that are going through mediation.

It was quite interesting to find out that mediation does not guarantee a father his rights as a parent.Because in the end the judge has final say in the matter and can totally ignore the mediation report.

However,with that said mediation is a necessary step we as fathers should not overlook. mediation lays the ground work to settle disputes about child access and custody issues as well as child support payments which is very important when it comes to the children’s rights in all matters concerning divorce or separation.

I ask if mediation was just another form of bureaucracy fathers have to suffer through and they said that mediation wasn’t the problem. They then told me that it is the court system in Ontario that shows no empathy for fathers in family court and that fathers are discriminated against from start to finish.

I knew this already from my own experience,but it just reassured me of what I already know and now I know I have my work cut out for me to get this variance through the court system.

Anyway to all fathers if your going through a divorce or separation you need to educate yourself to protect your rights and your children’s rights. Please check out the link I have to the right on this blog fathers-resources and read the information and listen to the tele-seminars it’s the best and informative site that helps fathers going through divorce.

Thanks for listening today

Forced to live in (Poverty)

Before my separation in 1998,I worked as a manager for a company for 18 yrs.My yearly income at the time was $70,000 plus. In 2000 I walked away from that job because the FRO was taking $1300.00 per month child support,and I could not afford to live In Toronto anymore.

On top of my living expenses,I had to pay off debts from my marriage of 18 yrs,and this was just too much for me to handle financially at the time. So needless to say I went from job to job since 2000 making a meager living the best I could under the circumstances.

Since 1998 I have endured a mental breakdown that made me incapable of doing the simplest of task,and under my doctors care I was heavily medicated with anti depressants etc etc. Against my doctor advice I flushed the medication mainly because it made thing worse. I then just gave up and started drinking on daily basis and then eventually I got into heavy drugs cocaine and pain killers,and before I knew it I became addicted and my life spiraled downward fast.

In 2002 I hit my bottom big-time,and I put myself into detox and then into a rehabilitation program.Well I graduated from that program in June  2002,and I have now been clean for over 6 yrs. But things would get worse for me in January 2004 I suffered a severe heart attack,and died in the emergency. Fortunately the doctors were able to revive me and rushed to University Hospital in London.Where they did emergency angioplasty surgery on me,and put two stents in my heart.

I spent 15 days in the hospital recovering,and another yr recovering at home.I had to go on sick benefits from E.I during my recovery,and this is how sick these laws are, the government took half of my sick benefits for child support. I was expected to live on less than $300.00 a month while recovering from a heart attack.

So I did the only thing I could do and that was apply for social assistance,and I lived on $500.00 per month for close to a yr while recovering. Today I am employed full-time and it will be 3yrs in August, I have worked for this same employer. I have been living on less than $900.00 a month for three yrs now,and have paid close too $40,000 in child support. My ex wife has remarried and has just bought a new vehicle and this yr,and they bought a new home. Whats wrong with this story,please explain to me what I’m missing here.

I’m a father who loves his children dearly and I’m providing for them,and want to be with them.But I barely make it by each month,and can’t even afford the bus fare too see my children. I get so frustrated and pissed off with the system at times I just want to give up,and throw the towel in surrendering my life and my rights to the injustices of this Government. that maintains as Canadian citizens we all have the right to a certain standard of living without being discriminated against.

Well just like many of (You) other fathers I am being discriminated against,and I’m not throwing the towel in,and I will fight the good fight till the end.

Tell me am I alone in this fight,or are you going to stand beside me in this fight.

Thanks for listening today……..Brian

My Trip to the family courts (Clerks Office)

Ok fathers here we go

As you know my plan was to go too the clerks office,with my list of forms I need to file a motion to change my existing order of child support. The clerks office is only about 3 minutes from my apartment,so I walked over and went up to the counter,and this young looking clerk looked at me like what is it you want.It was as if I was bothering her.

Anyway I was polite and handed her the list and ask if these were all the forms I need to file a motion to get my support changed.She looked at my list and told me I did not need Form 14C-Confirmation of attendance and she gave me all the other forms I need.

1. Form 14 Notice of Motion
2. Form 14A –  An Affidavit
3. Form 6B -Affidavit of service
4. From 13-Financial Statement

I then ask where family court was and what the hours were,she replied in snide way that this is family court and told me the hours,and I ask her if there is anymore information I need regarding court procedures etc,and she looked at me dumbfounded,and said fill out the forms and bring them back to this office,and she just walked away and offered help to another gentlemen at another window.

Well at least I got the forms I need,and that’s one step done. Now I have to fill them out and go back to the clerks office and file them. Soon as I walked up to the window at the clerks office;I new by the look on the clerks face,she was either having a bad day,or being judgmental towards me,because after-all it is the clerks office at family court.

Now I understand what us fathers have to go through to get anything done.This should have been pleasant experience,not an intimidating one. I know what to expect from this day forward and I will prepare myself mentally to handle the intimidation factor and move forward with confidence.

So there you have it fathers my little adventure to the clerks office. If you reside in Ontario,Canada you can get these forms from the attorney generals website,or justice department website,family responsibility office etc and they come in PDF format or word format so you can download them and fill them out and print them off.

This is what I’m going to do,I only went to the clerks office to make sure these were the forms I needed,and to observe the experience firsthand.

Here’s a link to download the forms you will need.

http://www.ontariocourtforms.on.ca/english/family

Well that’s it for today Fathers thanks for listening today. Remember always that we as fathers do have rights when it comes to our children,and their care,so please join the fight and lets get these laws changed so fathers around the world have equal rights in shared access custody,child support.

Together the mountian is not quite as big,as it looks.

Advice for sparated or divorced dads

The best advice I can give to fathers,that are going through a separation or divorce is too educate,educate, and educate yourself some more about your rights as a father.This means a lot of research about the different laws and statutes regarding divorce,child support and custody.

You need to learn what your rights are as father under these laws and you need to learn the proper steps that need to be taken to insure your rights are not violated. What I mean by all this is you need to learn the system inside out, what forms need to filled out and filed in court to move your motion forward in the system, and what court procedures you need to follow from start to finish.

You need to educate yourself,so you understand the motions that are filed against you,so you can respond in a legal manner that insures your rights as a father that gives you equal access under the child custody laws and that your child support agreement  gives you the right as father to maintain a standard of living that is equal to all parties involved insuring a harmonious and loving environment for all the children involved.

What it comes down to is when a fathers rights are taken away,and he does not have access and cannot sustain a standard of living that is suitable to create an environment, that is acceptable for himself and his children. Not only are the fathers rights be violated,but the children’s rights are being violated also,and that what this fight is all about giving the children their rights back,because it’s the children that are getting hurt the most by these laws.

Thanks for listening today,and remember educate,educate and educate somemore, because your rights matter and our childrens rights are what is most important.